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thePEBBLE - 07/06/05 - Three Ways to Mismanage Conflict?
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Ken Darby's book, The Saga Of Pinehill, The Adventure
is now in bookstores. A controversial and powerful story.
It will change your life. Go to
http://www.the-pebble.com OR order yours from
your favorite bookstore. ISBN # 1-4137-4723-X
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TODAY'S TRIVIA - - -
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Where did the word "pox" come from?
Is it true that if you get chickenpox as a kid, you're
immune for the rest of your life?
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ANSWERS TO YESTERDAY'S TRIVIA - - - -
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What is the largest artery in the body and how big is
it?
The aorta is the largest artery in the body and it's
about the width of a garden hose. You don't want to
damage that! The smallest blood vessels in the body are
the capillaries. They're so tiny that it takes about
ten of them to equal the thickness of a human hair. (In
between arteries and capillaries, of course, are the
veins. Look at your wrist or arm to get an idea of the
size of those.)
Where did the name "chickenpox" come from?
Chickenpox can be a terrible illness, especially if you
catch it as an adult, but it gets its name from being
one of the milder diseases. The term "chickenpox," for
varicella, originated in the 1700's. Since a chicken is
considered the mildest of all barnyard fowl, the name
distinguished the disease from the far deadlier
"smallpox," which resembles chickenpox.
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I'LL SEE IT WHEN I BELIEVE IT!
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There are a lot of ways to become a failure,
but never taking a chance is the most successful.
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Ken
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There is an unsubscribe link at the very bottom of this
newsletter for those of you who wish to unsub.
thePEBBLE CONTENTS:
1. STRANGE BITS AND PIECES!
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2. OPTIMIZE LIFE NOW!™
with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
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Are You Using These Three Ways
to Mismanage Conflict?
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3. MEDICAL COLUMN by Karin Henderson
Anaphylaxis: A Medical Emergency
PART 5 of 11
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4. THE SAGA OF PINEHILL by Ken Darby
The wedding
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5. OBSERVATIONS OF OUR BUSINESS
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6. THINK ABOUT THIS TODAY!
7. HA! HA!HA!
8. CONTACT INFO
9. THE LAST LINE - - - - -
Get The Saga Of Pinehill, The Adventure
http://the-pebble.com/SAGA/sagamain.html
OR get it at your favorite bookstore. Ask for
ISBN# 1-4137-4723-X from Publish America
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STRANGE BITS AND PIECES!
A chance of a woman having twins is increased after the age
of 35. About 1 in 27 women will give birth to twins after
this age. After 50 the chances of having twins is 1 in 9.
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OPTIMIZE LIFE NOW!™
with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
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Are You Using These Three Ways
to Mismanage Conflict?
Conflict is a daily occurrence in all areas of life. No
one is exempt. No relationship is without it. I believe
even a human and his or her clone would manage to find
strong differences of perception, perspective or
values!
Writing about disputes makes good copy. Just check your
local newspaper or late-night news program. Who is
doing what to whom IS the news! The more horrific, the
better, it seems. It's the stuff gossip is made of, as
well.
Theoretically, the parties involved have many ways to
respond to or resolve their conflicts. In actuality,
three prevail: avoidance, withholding and violence. All
three do nothing to turn the confrontation into
communication. In fact, they are guaranteed to do just
the opposite.
AVOIDANCE
If I don't say anything, there will be no conflict. Not
so, your breath gets short, your stomach churns and
your shoulders live permanently at your earlobes. The
conflict has not disappeared. You are wearing it! And,
suffering.
Certainly, there are times when avoidance works.
Everyone occasionally has a bad day. That is a good
time to use avoidance. The problem is short-lived. Most
people know what caused it. They care enough about the
person to stay out of their way for a day or so. Wise
choice. It's best to avoid them.
If they have more bad than good days, though, it needs
to be talked about. Exerting control over others in
your environment by expecting them to adjust to your
bad moods is tyranny.
Avoiders often appear to be compliant and accepting.
They smile. They cooperate. They rock no boats.
Inwardly, they are seething. If they have low
self-esteem, they may even blame themselves for their
inability to 'get along' with the tyrant. Not so! They
need practical skills for expressing their points of
view.
If you are using avoidance as your primary conflict
management strategy, how is it working for you? How's
your health? Your level of frustration? Your
self-esteem? Your self-confidence? Conflict management
skills are learned. Either you use the ones you've
learned by watching your family, or you use the ones
you grew up with. All learned. So, wouldn't it be wise
to learn constructive, useful, effective ones instead?
WITHHOLDING
Withholding takes place when you do not want to address
the conflict but you want another person to know you
are angry, upset or disappointed. You simply do not
give the person what they want or need. You ignore them
when they speak, or, purposefully misunderstand them.
You do the minimum required, less than your capability.
The 'silent treatment' is a form of withholding, too.
You refuse to speak to the person with whom you have
the conflict or unmet need.
Does this work? Perhaps it gets you the response you
want in the short-term, however, in the long-term it
fails miserably…especially in the workplace. All it
does there is escalate the conflict. You've noticed
that, I'm sure.
Another form of withholding is triangulating—a
descriptive term which means not being direct with the
person with whom you have the dispute but attempting to
go through a third person. The thing with disputes,
complaints and gripes is that you have to tell someone
who can actually do something about it. Otherwise, it
can be simply gossip and venting. You have to be
careful. Your reputation is on the line…and your job
may be as well.
In the workplace, you may have a supervisor who is
willing and trained to help. No matter what, though,
any employer or supervisor would be much happier to
have you work out differences yourself. That requires
skill, and, fortunately, those skills can be learned.
VIOLENCE
Each year between 1992 and 1996 more than 2 million
U.S. citizens were victims of a violent crime while at
work or on duty…and the largest number of those were in
retail sales. Isn't that startling? The good news is
that violent crimes have declined since 1993. There are
still far too many.
The Canadian Center for Occupational Health & Safety
defines workplace violence as "...any act in which a
person is abused, threatened, intimidated or assaulted
in his or her employment." Workplace violence includes:
* threatening behavior such as shaking fists,
destroying property or throwing objects;
* verbal or written threats - any expression of an
intent to inflict harm;
* harassment - any behavior that demeans, embarrasses,
humiliates, annoys, alarms or verbally abuses a person
and that is known or would be expected to be unwelcome.
This includes words, gestures, intimidation, bullying,
or other inappropriate activities.
* verbal abuse - swearing, insults or condescending
language.
* physical attacks - hitting, shoving, pushing or
kicking.
Many state governments and corporations have
strongly-worded policies regarding workplace violence.
According to an American Society of Industrial Security
survey, the top strategy indicated by respondents for
preventing workplace violence is 'employee training.'
As a conflict management expert, I agree. Pro-active
companies are ones who understand the high cost of
conflict in the workplace on a day-to-day basis. When I
offer training in conflict and anger management,
negotiation, mediation and communication, executives
and their staffs learn and practice the skills they
need to feel competent, confident and, yes, comfortable
enough to handle conflict effectively. And as a bonus,
the training affects the quality of life for each
person in all situations. Happier, healthier employees
= Greater productivity. Not rocket science!
A 'zero tolerance' policy is imperative for every
single workplace. Nothing less should be tolerated.
Violence is simply unacceptable. We need to feel...and
be...safe at work.
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
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Expert facilitator, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, makes it
easier to talk about difficult things. Author of over a
dozen insightful books & audio programs, she works with
executives, entrepreneurs & employees who want to
master the 'people skills' that grease the wheels of
business & life. Free coaching consultation. Visit
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
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Stop being a weight loss failure! You can lose it now!
Your online source for a wide variety of weight loss,
diet pills & natural products. Sleep N Slim is now
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Heaven or Hell are where you decide you want them to be.
---- Ken Darby
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MEDICAL COLUMN - - - -
by Karin Henderson
Anaphylaxis: A Medical Emergency
PART 5 of 11
What does an anaphylactic reaction “look like”? Here
are the signs and symptoms. As nurses we are taught to
pay attention to people from the time of an injection
to about 15 to 20 minutes later. But the reaction can
be slow in coming. Symptoms develop rapidly, often
within seconds or minutes, but sometimes, they take up
to four hours after the allergen has been introduced.
Then it’s hard to recall what had gone before.
Respiratory symptoms include difficulty breathing,
wheezing, abnormal (high-pitched) breathing sounds,
nasal congestion, and a cough. If you analyze those,
you will recognize they are the outcome of fluid in the
respiratory tract. And that area only wants air. So in
essence, you would be drowning.
Circulatory symptoms include confusion, slurred speech,
rapid or weak pulse, blueness of the skin (cyanosis),
including the lips or nail beds, fainting,
light-headedness, dizziness, anxiety, sensation of
feeling the heart beat (palpitations). Here we are
dealing with a lack of oxygen going to vital centers.
And when you can’t have an adequate amount of blood
with fresh oxygen (oxygenated) being exchanged for
blood carrying unwanted carbon dioxide (a waste
product), it will result in these symptoms.
Integumentary (skin) symptoms include hives,
generalized itching, skin redness. This is the
histamines at work. Lastly, gastrointestinal symptoms
include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and abdominal pain
or cramping.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/imagepages/
19316.htm
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Karin Henderson is a registered nurse and is thePEBBLE's
columnist for our MEDICAL COLUMN.
We appreciate her input very much. Thanks Karin.
You can send Karin questions at
mailto:kflh@shaw.ca
Health Information Newsletter.
http://www.prescotts-inc.com
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THE NET'S BEST KEPT SECRET
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THE SAGA OF PINEHILL
by Ken Darby
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Eloise Henry, age 18 when the story began
and David Wylie, age 20, were selected by a
stranger in town to take a dangerous trip,
together. The idea was that each was to take
only the clothes on their back and go
anywhere in the world where the stranger
took them. They were to be left there to find
their own way home. They had no money,
no identification, and no idea where they
were. If they arrived back home, there
would be a million dollars waiting in each
of their bank accounts
The story deals with their adventures along
and leads to the only way they could survive.
The story leads to many friends, many adventures
and many places.
The Saga Of Pinehill, The Adventure
is now in bookstores. A controversial and powerful story.
It will change your life. Go to
http://www.the-pebble.com OR order yours from
your favorite bookstore. ISBN # 1-4137-4723-X
As you read enjoy. It continues . . . . . . .
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Many there knew Tlang. All made a fuss over
her and made her welcome. Tlang was in her glory.
Since she met Mae and Susan her life had changed
much for the better. She was now a blossomed teen
and a very good looking young lady. She would be
turning the eyes of some unsuspecting young man.
With nothing more than a flashing of her eyes and
simple smile Tlang could charm the best out of
anyone she was speaking with. She had matured
enormously since any had last seen her.
In addition to her physical changes Tlang had
been wholly attentive to any teaching Riata,
Amenti and Maria offered. She was on the verge of
living by higher law. Her motivation was her
desire to be like Mae and Susan, the two who had
saved her from such a terrible condition those
many years ago.
She had not been there 10 minutes before Tom
Henry spotted her and from that minute, Tom never
left her side. It was as if he was smitten. Tom
was seven years her senior, but as far as he was
concerned there was no more beautiful creature in
earth.
Billy Hendricks spotted her, too. Yet, in
Billy's case, the attraction was purely physical.
With Tom it was deeper, wider, and far more
encompassing, or is the word, consuming?
Sam Henry was watching all this and had a
knowing smile on his face. He was terribly proud
of his family and was pleased with their public
and private behavior. It was clear to him his
youngest had fallen in love and perused the
possibility that he might, one day, have this
lovely young lady as a daughter-in-law.
Once Tom had made contact he took Tlang off
Mae's hands. She was then free to move around at
her own pace. She, too, noticed the sparks and
stars in the air as between Tom and Tlang. Mae
looked around and found Sam standing alone,
observing the kids. Sam was smiling and he
happened to catch Mae looking at him. They
exchanged thoughts. "Boy! This one sure took hold
in a hurry." Mae nodded.
Mae walked up to Sam and gave him a big hug.
"Hi, Sam. Isn't it wonderful to see? This is such
a terrific gathering, already I don't want it to
end. I think this is going to be some wedding.
We'll all be in tears."
"You're just getting sentimental in your old
age, Mae." Sam laughed.
Mae hit him on the shoulder in mock shock.
"Hello Mae. How are you, dear?"
"Hi Alewka. I'm fine, or at least I was until
this man of yours started calling me old. How are
you? I was telling Sam that already I don't want
this party to end. It is so seldom we all get
together that these functions are wonderful. Sam
and I were observing that it looks like there is
another one of these in your future."
"Oh? Where?" Alewka looked around, then
spotted Tom and Tlang. Not having been watching
even she was able to spot the love between these
two.
"I kinda think that young man of yours is
going to be spending some time in China from now
on."
"She's a beauty, Mae. She is a beauty."
"You don't know the half of it Sam. This
little girl was being abused as a youngster. We
took her out of what amounted to a public porn
house. They were using her to gain their own
satisfaction and were passing her around. She had
not been there long, but long enough to know man's
filthy side. She has been with Riata now for quite
a while, maybe six years. You bet she's a beauty
but you can also bet she is far more knowledgeable
than what you see."
"I can tell she is also well on her way to
living by higher law, Mae. She is a quick and
consistent student."
"Yes, Sam, she is. We both know she will not
leave here this weekend without being fully
accomplished. And now it appears she has
additional motivation, what with you son."
"I think you're right Mae. I think you're
right. I think this wedding will be a wonder for
many people, especially the Smithsons and their
friends. I see they are blending in just fine. Yet
who wouldn't, in this crowd. My what wonderful
people."
"Hello, Harriett. How are things going?"
Harriett Smithson had come over to join them.
She, Alewka, Mae and Sam were there talking.
"I'm wonderful, Sam. Where did all these
people come from. They are wonderful people, and
there is so much love. I had no idea so many
people could all be so compatible and not one of
them is playing the game of one upsmanship. It's
fantastic."
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TOMORROW - - - The wedding
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OBSERVATIONS OF OUR BUSINESS
Many of you have become interested in following what
we are doing in our business.
It is a way of seeing some of the good things and not so good
things that happen to us along the way.
While it may not replicate your story, neither may it be replicated
by you, it does keep you updated on some of the trials and
tribulations of doing business on the internet.
We thought we would keep it up.
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TODAY'S REPORT:
We get so few days that are as warm and beautiful as our
present weather that Mom and I are luxuriating in paradise.
I've near shut down any work in favor of sitting around and
appreciating paradise. I would wish it upon all of you.
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"SCOTCHING"
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THINK ABOUT THIS TODAY!
"You will become as small as your controlling desire,
or as great as your dominant aspiration." -? James
Allen
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HA! HA! HA!
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my
Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late
- again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had
been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had
to discipline the whole squad.
I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had
pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous
post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for
something trivial.
My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then
explained, "Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from
their rifles had not been cleaned."
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CONTACT INFORMATION:
Complete Contact info on web site
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THE LAST LINE - - - - -
"I think that fortune watcheth o'er our lives, surer
than we. But well said: he who strives will find his
goals strive for him equally." -? Euripides
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AND REMEMBER TO GET A COPY OF
Ken Darby's book, The Saga Of Pinehill, The Adventure
now in bookstores. A controversial and powerful story.
It will change your life. Go to
http://www.the-pebble.com OR order yours from
your favorite bookstore. ISBN # 1-4137-4723-X
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REMEMBER! - IF YOU SEE IT IN thePEBBLE - IT IS SO!
The Life Force will keep you well and healthy, if you accept it.
---- Ken Darby
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theNEWSSHOP newsletter service will soon have your
business growing. http://www.thenewsshop.com
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© 2005 thePEBBLE PUBLICATIONS
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thePEBBLE Publications
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Box 6, Site 270, R.R.2
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1-780-968-3847
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