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THE PEBBLE - 03/03/04 - Mismanage Conflict?
YOUR DAILY CHUCKLE and MOTIVATION - ENJOY!
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THE PEBBLE is the most popular newsletter
on the internet today. Published daily, it reaches
more people than any ezine and has the most
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Start your day with THE PEBBLE
Welcome to THE PEBBLE for March 03, 2004
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TODAY'S TRIVIA - - -
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When were US women given the right to vote?
Are dead bodies always buried six feet below ground?
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ANSWERS TO YESTERDAY'S TRIVIA - - - -
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Why does the time gap make it lawful for
sixteen-year-olds to vote?
According to election laws, residents are eligible to vote
in this September's primary as long as they turn 17 by
November 2, 2003. That would make them 18 by
November 4, 2004, the date of the next general election.
Have teens that young ever been able to vote before?
No. According to an expert in political science from
Johns Hopkins University, sixteen-year-olds have never
had the right to vote in any jurisdiction.
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The Pebble is online. Go to
http://www.the-pebble.com
CONTENTS:
1. STRANGE BITS AND PIECES!
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2. OPTIMIZE LIFE NOW!™
with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
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Are You Using These Three Ways
to Mismanage Conflict?
byRhoberta Shaler, PhD
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3. COMPUTER TIPS by Patsy Norlie
Excel
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4. MEDICAL COLUMN by Karin Henderson
Thoughtful Gifts Of Love For Anyone
With Physical Disabilities
PART 1 of 10
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5. THE SAGA OF PINEHILL by Ken Darby
More training.
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6. OBSERVATIONS OF OUR BUSINESS
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7. THINK ABOUT THIS TODAY!
8. HA! HA!HA!
9. CONTACT INFO
10. THE LAST LINE - - - - -
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LOOK FOR TOMORROWS EVENTS - - -
Pinehill - The story continues.
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STRANGE BITS AND PIECES!
by Gauher Chaudhry
http://www.amusingfacts.com
The name "Adidas" was invented from the creator of
the brand named Adolf 'Adi' Dassler.
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OPTIMIZE LIFE NOW!™
with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
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Are You Using These Three Ways
to Mismanage Conflict?
byRhoberta Shaler, PhD
Conflict is a daily occurrence in all areas of life. No one
is exempt. No relationship is without it. I believe even
a human and his or her clone would manage to find
strong differences of perception, perspective or values!
Writing about disputes makes good copy. Just check
your local newspaper or late-night news program. Who
is doing what to whom IS the news! The more horrific,
the better, it seems. It's the stuff gossip is made of,
as well.
Theoretically, the parties involved have many ways to
respond to or resolve their conflicts. In actuality, three
prevail: avoidance, withholding and violence. All three
do nothing to turn the confrontation into communication.
In fact, they are guaranteed to do just the opposite.
AVOIDANCE
If I don't say anything, there will be no conflict. Not so,
your breath gets short, your stomach churns and your
shoulders live permanently at your earlobes. The conflict
has not disappeared. You are wearing it! And, suffering.
Certainly, there are times when avoidance works.
Everyone occasionally has a bad day. That is a good
time to use avoidance. The problem is short-lived. Most
people know what caused it. They care enough about the
person to stay out of their way for a day or so. Wise choice.
It's best to avoid them.
If they have more bad than good days, though, it needs
to be talked about. Exerting control over others in your
environment by expecting them to adjust to your bad
moods is tyranny.
Avoiders often appear to be compliant and accepting.
They smile. They cooperate. They rock no boats. Inwardly,
they are seething. If they have low self-esteem, they may
even blame themselves for their inability to 'get along'
with the tyrant. Not so! They need practical skills for
expressing their points of view.
If you are using avoidance as your primary conflict
management strategy, how is it working for you? How's
your health? Your level of frustration? Your self-esteem?
Your self-confidence? Conflict management skills are
learned. Either you use the ones you've learned by
watching your family, or you use the ones you grew up
with. All learned. So, wouldn't it be wise to learn
constructive, useful, effective ones instead?
WITHHOLDING
Withholding takes place when you do not want to
address the conflict but you want another person to
know you are angry, upset or disappointed. You simply
do not give the person what they want or need. You
ignore them when they speak, or, purposefully
misunderstand them. You do the minimum required,
less than your capability. The 'silent treatment' is a form
of withholding, too. You refuse to speak to the person
with whom you have the conflict or unmet need.
Does this work? Perhaps it gets you the response you
want in the short-term, however, in the long-term it fails
miserably…especially in the workplace. All it does
there is escalate the conflict. You've noticed that, I'm
sure.
Another form of withholding is triangulating—a
descriptive term which means not being direct with the
person with whom you have the dispute but attempting
to go through a third person. The thing with disputes,
complaints and gripes is that you have to tell someone
who can actually do something about it. Otherwise,
it can be simply gossip and venting. You have to be
careful. Your reputation is on the line…and your job
may be as well.
In the workplace, you may have a supervisor who is
willing and trained to help. No matter what, though, any
employer or supervisor would be much happier to have
you work out differences yourself. That requires skill,
and, fortunately, those skills can be learned.
VIOLENCE
Each year between 1992 and 1996 more than 2 million
U.S. citizens were victims of a violent crime while at
work or on duty…and the largest number of those were
in retail sales. Isn't that startling? The good news is that
violent crimes have declined since 1993. There are
still far too many.
The Canadian Center for Occupational Health & Safety
defines workplace violence as "...any act in which a person
is abused, threatened, intimidated or assaulted in his or
her employment." Workplace violence includes:
* threatening behavior such as shaking fists, destroying
property or throwing objects;
* verbal or written threats - any expression of an intent to
inflict harm;
* harassment - any behavior that demeans, embarrasses,
humiliates, annoys, alarms or verbally abuses a person
and that is known or would be expected to be unwelcome.
This includes words, gestures, intimidation, bullying, or
other inappropriate activities.
* verbal abuse - swearing, insults or condescending
language.
* physical attacks - hitting, shoving, pushing or kicking.
Many state governments and corporations have
strongly-worded policies regarding workplace violence.
According to an American Society of Industrial Security
survey, the top strategy indicated by respondents for
preventing workplace violence is 'employee training.'
As a conflict management expert, I agree. Pro-active
companies are ones who understand the high cost of
conflict in the workplace on a day-to-day basis. When I
offer training in conflict and anger management,
negotiation, mediation and communication, executives
and their staffs learn and practice the skills they need to
feel competent, confident and, yes, comfortable enough
to handle conflict effectively. And as a bonus, the training
affects the quality of life for each person in all situations.
Happier, healthier employees = Greater productivity.
Not rocket science!
A 'zero tolerance' policy is imperative for every single
workplace. Nothing less should be tolerated. Violence
is simply unacceptable. We need to feel...and be...safe
at work.
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Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, speaks, coaches & conducts
seminars for entrepreneurs & professionals who want
the motivation, strategies and inspiration to achieve, to
lead and to live richly. Hear her weekly on
http://www.WSRadio.com Visit
http://www.OptimizeLifeNow.com today!
For permission to reprint this article, please contact
mailto:Jane@OptimizeLifeNow.com
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Find information and knowledge that, while in plain
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COMPUTER TIPS - - -
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Excel
A wide assortment of graphic files (sometimes known
as electronic clip art) is available, and you can use
these images in your work without violating any
copyright restrictions. To add a graphic file to a
worksheet, you can Choose the Insert, Picture,
Clip Art command to use the Microsoft Gallery of
clip art. After an image is placed on a worksheet,
you can move and resize it. You can also use the
tools on the Picture toolbar to manipulate the image.
The Picture toolbar appears when you select a picture.
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Thanks for your TIP today, Patsy!
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If you seek you find. If you don't seek . . . . .
---- Ken Darby
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MEDICAL COLUMN - - - -
Thoughtful Gifts Of Love For Anyone
With Physical Disabilities
PART 1 of 10
Many of us know someone special whose life could
be made a whole lot more comfortable if their
environment was less cumbersome or energy-sapping.
It's going to take a long time before the world
gets the message that degenerative or autoimmune
conditions are preventable and that some even
reversible. So we continue to be faced with the
challenge of living with Arthritis and
Fibromyalgia, Alzheimer's, Crohns, and cancer, and
any number of such conditions. People are robbed
of their normal lifestyles and all their energy is
spent on getting through the day. If someone is
disabled, they are usually unable to move some or
all parts of their body normally. The impairment
comes in many forms...crippled hands, gnarled
fingers and toes (needed for balance), curved
spine, frozen shoulders, immovable knees, poor or
non-existent eye sight, etc. Not only do our
friends have the lack of movement to deal with;
they also have the generalized achiness, and
constant tiredness. Where as we, the healthy ones,
can get a good night's sleep, they can't find a
comfortable position. Often they are cold, both
from lack of insulation in their body and lack of
good nutrition. That's not caused by a lack of
desire, but the running out of energy to feed
themselves. They often don't cover up adequately,
or don't want to bother anyone. (More of the
latter, usually!) And they are always tired.
Incredibly tired!
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Karin Henderson is a registered nurse and is THE
PEBBLE®'s columnist for our MEDICAL COLUMN.
We appreciate her input very much. Thanks Karin.
You can send Karin questions at
mailto:kflh@prescotts-inc.com
Health Information Newsletter.
http://www.prescotts-inc.com
DO YOU PRACTICE SCOTCHING?
Remember send any email to -
mailto:scotchingkar@rr-email.com
There are no follow ups - this info is just for you.
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THE NET'S BEST KEPT SECRET
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THE SAGA OF PINEHILL
by Ken Darby
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Eloise Henry, age 18 when the story began, and
David Wylie, age 20, were selected, by a
stranger in town, to take a dangerous trip, together.
The idea was that each was to take only the clothes
on their back, and go anywhere in the world where
the stranger took them. They were to be left there
to find their own way home. They had no money,
no identification, and no idea where they were.
Upon their safe return there was a million dollars
waiting in their bank account for them. If one did not
make it that money would go to the survivor. If neither
made it the money would go to their families.
The story deals with their adventures along the way
and leads into the only way they could survive. That was
for Eloise to learn higher law and commit her life to
that end. Along the way she learns how to perform
many a miracle.
The story leads to many friends, many adventures
and many places. As you read on, enjoy. It continues . . . . . . .
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For those who like the thoughts and ideas proposed
in this story, you might like to subscribe to
http://www.spiritual-underground.com
(It is a simple donation of $4.94 per month and
helps us spread the word.)
Many, many thanks to those of you who support this
work. It allows others to learn. Thank you.
Additionally, while there subscribe to our
"Thought For The Day" a daily little pick me up.
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Sam and Ben returned once more to the little hut in the
middle of the jungle. They sat down near the fire circle
and looked out over the lake.
"I enjoyed that visit Sam. I'm glad we went." said Ben.
"Me, too, Ben. I haven't seen my granddaughter for a
long time. It almost looks like you have a granddaughter
now too!" smiled Sam.
"She's a sweet one, isn't she?" said Ben, "So why did
you bring me back here?"
"Because I wanted to show you a sample of how the law
works, Ben, look."
Instantly the scene changed in front of them. It was as if
there was a giant movie screen in front of them.
There was a schoolroom, filled with kids. They were
listening to the teacher and were doing their lessons.
This class was a grade eight class. The kids were all
thirteen, fourteen, or fifteen.
"Look at that little lad in the third seat back from the front
in the second row." said Sam.
Ben looked. There was a boy, smaller than the average
in class. He wore glasses, was not especially well dressed,
and was slumped in appearance.
The kid behind him was poking him in the back with a
pencil. The boy was squirming, trying to avoid the pencil.
He looked around and whispered, defiantly, to the boy to
stop. The antagonist kept up, laughing all the while. The
other kids around thought it was funny and were all
laughing, silently.
One particularly sharp stab went through the boys clothes
and broke the skin. He wheeled around and slugged the
antagonizer. The antagonist yelled and put up an enormous
fuss. He began to cry, as if he was badly hurt.
The teacher, seeing none of this wheeled around. Seeing
the antagonist crying and hollering, and pointing to the
small fellow, the teacher immediately told the small chap
to stand, apologize, and go stand outside.
The young man did not apologize, but left. The teacher
called him back and demanded he apologize. He did not.
The teacher became angry. She demanded once more.
The child did not apologize. The teacher then grabbed
him by the ear and took him to the door, ordering he stay
there.
She went back to the antagonist who was still feigning
tears. She looked at him to ensure there was no injury.
All was well.
She then walked up to the boy at the door and, again
grabbing him by the ear, walked out of the room and down
to the main office.
Once the door to the classroom closed, the class broke out
in laughter. The chatter was incessant about how they really
got the little boy now. The joke of the day was the little fellow.
At the office the teacher marched the small boy right in to
the principals office, without knocking or other formalities.
There she demanded the boy be punished.
The principal was taken by surprise. and wanted to know
the story. The boy told him the kid behind him was poking
him in the back with a pencil.
"Oh, come on now! Surely that is no reason to slug him. He
was just having some fun with you." was the principal's
response. "You are to go home and do not return until you
are ready to apologize to your teacher and to the boy you
hurt, publicly, in class. Do you understand."
And so the story progressed in the scene in front of Ben
and Sam.
Inside the boy was seething with anger. This was just
another day like everyday for him. The antagonist did that
all day long every day and the boy had just had enough.
He was teased always, by everyone in school. They never
let him alone. His life was completely miserable. Right
down to his very core this young man became angry. He
could stand it no more.
When he got home, he walked into his house to find his
mother sitting at the kitchen table drinking whiskey. It was
just noon and she was drunk already. She asked him why
he was home. He just grunted. He went to his room.
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THE SAGA OF PINEHILL is a serial we run daily.
Be sure to read your PEBBLE® to catch up on
what is happening.
TOMORROW - - - The story continues.
GET THE SAGA OF PINEHILL, all the books in
the series by affiliating with THE CORNERSTONE
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OBSERVATIONS OF OUR BUSINESS
Since beginning the Project 2003 item, many of you have
become interested in following what we are doing in our
business.
It is a way of seeing some of the good things and not so good
things that happen to us along the way.
While it may not replicate your story, neither may it be replicated
by you, it does keep you updated on some of the trials and
tribulations of doing business on the internet.
We thought we would keep it up.
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TODAY'S REPORT:
I did not get much done today. I was called out of the
house, and the appointment I was going to have ended
up with "strep throat". So I'll see what I can get done
tomorrow, although the cause for which I had to be
away today will have me away tomorrow too.
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Ezine advertising works, at least at THE PEBBLE. We are
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THINK ABOUT THIS TODAY!
"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer
soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink
from the service of their country; but he that stands it now,
deserves the love and thanks of man and woman."
---- Thomas Paine
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HA! HA! HA!
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
"If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give
it more thought."
--Dennis Roch
Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those
who don't.
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CONTACT INFORMATION:
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THE LAST LINE - - - - -
"None are so empty as those who are full of themselves."
---- Andrew Jackson
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(This is the PROJECT 2003 program)
REMEMBER! - IF YOU SEE IT IN THE PEBBLE® - IT IS SO!
What is that power within you, that you call intuition?
---- Ken Darby
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© 2004 thePEBBLE® PUBLICATIONS
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