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thePEBBLE - 11/17/04 - Draw The Line In The Sand In Ink.
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
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This report deals with the good things that come from
change and how to accept and handle change.
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TODAY'S TRIVIA - - -
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Why did King Edward VIII abdicate?
What reward did Zeus bestow upon Baucis and Philemon?
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ANSWERS TO YESTERDAY'S TRIVIA - - - -
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What is Ragnarok?
In Norse mythology, Ragnarok is the twilight of the gods,
the day on which a battle between good and evil results
in the world being consumed by fire.
How is Balder unique among gods?
Balder, the Norse god of light and peace, is slain by the
trickery of the mischievous god Loki. We usually think
of gods as immortal.
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thePEBBLE CONTENTS:
1. STRANGE BITS AND PIECES!
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2. OPTIMIZE LIFE NOW!™
with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
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Draw The Line In The Sand In Ink.
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
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3. MEDICAL COLUMN by Karin Henderson
To Be Vaccinated Or
Not To Be Vaccinated ...
PART 13 of 13
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4. THE SAGA OF PINEHILL by Ken Darby
Darryl's questions
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5. OBSERVATIONS OF OUR BUSINESS
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6. THINK ABOUT THIS TODAY!
7. HA! HA!HA!
8. CONTACT INFO
9. THE LAST LINE - - - - -
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STRANGE BITS AND PIECES!
In 1986, a drunk fan got into a pace car at Talladega
Superspeedway, and started joyriding on the track in front of
a nationwide audience. The police cruisers who had to chase
him around the track were not amused when they caught and
arrested him.
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OPTIMIZE LIFE NOW!™
with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
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Draw The Line In The Sand In Ink.
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
We are one hundred per cent responsible for teaching people
how to treat us. That's true! If someone tells a racist joke
in front of you and it is something you do not appreciate, you
must say something. If you do not, you have just told the
joke teller that it is all right with you. It's that easy!
One reason why people do not speak up is their fear of
conflict. Does that make sense to you? Not many people were
ever given careful, specific training in handling conflict
effectively. They shy away from speaking up when a friend,
co-worker or family member offends them. Speaking up on your
own behalf requires confidence in your communication skills.
You have to believe that you deserve to be respected. And,
of course, the rest of that most basic equation is that you
treat others with respect as well.
A boundary is a limit or edge that defines us as separate from
others. Setting boundaries with the folks closest to us is
essential to creating healthy relationships. We have physical
boundaries as well as emotional, spiritual, sexual and social
ones. When our emotional or social boundaries are trespassed
upon, we feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. That's the time
to speak up.
How does this translate to the workplace? Work often has
different people with differing levels of responsibility,
expertise and experience. You may have a supervisor or
manager as well as folks who work under you. How do you set
boundaries with your boss? Big question as that is likely the
first person you do not want to offend, right?
Communication skills to the rescue.
BREATHE
First, take a deep breath in through your nose and let it
slowly out through your mouth. Relax. One big mistake that
is often made is to react rather than to respond when someone
crosses your boundaries. It is just that very reactivity that
scares us and rightly so. When you are being reactive, you
are dangerous to yourself and your relationships. Reactivity
is often thoughtless. That's not the way to improve
relationships. Take the time to center yourself--to relax and
think-- before speaking up.
IDENTIFY
Identify the cause of your discomfort. Was it the words said
to you, the tone of voice, the timing, the company or the
inappropriateness of the comment? Then, identify how you have
responded to it on a feeling level. Are you feeling
frustrated, hurt or scared? Those are the underlying emotions
of the arousal we call anger. Begin there to figure out your
feelings. No point confronting someone until you are clear
about what you are going to say.
CHOOSE
Both the words and the timing are important to the
effectiveness of your boundary setting. Of course, you will
want to remember the Golden Rule. You do not want to become
the offender when your true desire is to express your request
for changed behavior.
Laura was participating in a team meeting. When she was asked
for her report, she presented it in a very detailed fashion.
The manager apparently thought that it was too lengthy. She
raised her voice and said,
"You can't be wasting our time blathering on with all those
details. Just give us the facts, the bottom line, and don't
be running off at the mouth. I expect my people to be concise."
Laura was embarrassed, belittled and put-down in front of her
peers. She fell silent for the duration of the meeting.
Naturally, she was upset. And, she was angry. What did she
now need to do?
SPEAK UP
Fortunately, Laura did not fall into the trap of complaining
to her team members after the meeting. She calmed herself
down and went to see her manager. Laura began the
conversation by saying that she was sorry that her desire to
give a full report on her work was interpreted as
time-wasting. The manager indicated that she was glad that
Laura now knew better.
Laura proceeded by stating how she wanted to be treated in
future. That is the bold step required. How that step is
taken makes all the difference.
"It is important to me to do well and to have productive,
respectful relationships with my team members. I felt put
down and belittled in the meeting. I would appreciate being
told about any mistakes, shortcomings or unmet expectations
in private. Would you help me do a better job by agreeing
to do that?"
Notice that Laura did not place any blame, judgment or anger
in her statement. She owned her feelings and offered a
guideline for the relationship. She did not react. She
responded thoughtfully and clearly.
Quick, direct communication ending with a request for
agreement. Laura was teaching her manager how to treat her.
She did it respectfully. She stood up for herself. She drew
a boundary gently, clearly. Is there any question in the
manager's mind regarding how Laura wants to be treated?
Likely not.
Whether or not the matter ends there is another question.
Sometimes, boundary statements have to be repeated several
times before they are honored. Sometimes, they are not
honored at all. Then, it is time for the next step.
MAKE A DECISION
If the manager berated Laura in front of her team on other
subsequent occasions, she would then have a decision to make.
She would be wise to step back and get a better perspective on
her work, her team and the company. It is important for Laura
to first examine her work. If all is well except for this
one relationship, she might choose to accept that the manager
would not change. If she finds the relationship intolerable,
she might ask for a transfer or find another position.
We are responsible for teaching people how to treat us. We
cannot coerce them into doing so. How people respond to our
boundary setting is a function of two important concepts: the
self-confidence of the other and the perceived value of the
relationship. If Laura's manager demonstrates her lack of
self-confidence by repeatedly needing a scapegoat, Laura will
likely not change her behavior. If Laura's manager wants
Laura's specialized expertise on the team, she will likely
respond positively to Laura's request.
Are there any relationships in your life where boundaries have
slipped and need shoring up? Let people know who you are and
where you stand. Follow these few steps. You'll build
confidence and gain respect. Draw your lines in the sand in
ink.
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved worldwide.
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International speaker, coach & author Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is
an expert motivator. She gives you the strategies and
motivation to shift your results from acceptable to
EXCEPTIONAL in life and business. Subscribe to her three free
ezines and join the Optimize Online Community Center, FREE!
Visit www.OptimizeLifeNow.com
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For a spiritual journey to live as your Maker wants
http://www.spiritual-underground.com
Find information and knowledge that, while in plain
sight, has been hidden from man for centuries. If you
are on "the path" this is for you.
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I will never understand why folks don't take the time to
speak to their Maker. All they have to do is sit still and quiet.
Stop the conversation in your mind and you can now
communicate with your Maker.
---- Ken Darby
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MEDICAL COLUMN - - - -
by Karin Henderson
To Be Vaccinated Or
Not To Be Vaccinated ...
PART 13 of 13
These reactions can begin 6-12 hours after the vaccination
and last 1-2 days. Should there be a prolonged reaction: fever
nausea, vomiting, tenderness, and redness or swelling at
the injection site beyond 48 hours, see your physician. You
must also notify the clinic, as we have to track these
reactions. Immediate - presumably allergic - reactions
(such as hives, angioedema, allergic asthma, or systemic
anaphylaxis) occur rarely after influenza vaccination.
These reactions probably result from hypersensitivity
to some vaccine component - the majority is most likely
related to residual egg protein. Individuals with anaphylactic
hypersensitivity to eggs should not be given influenza
vaccine. How do you know if you are allergic to this? If
you eat any egg products and end up with hives, swelling
of the lips or tongue or experience acute respiratory
distress or collapse, DON'T BE VACCINATED. Anaphylactic
reaction, which is rare, BUT THEY DO OCCASIONALLY
occur. I have given you some general research information
and my own experience. I would encourage you to become
knowledgeable about this flu situation. I see many of us
have serious health challenges that reduce our ability to
fight something as "simple" as a flu episode. You may
notice I "preach" a lot about rebuilding your immune
system. With a weak one, you are prone to everything
coming along. With a strong one, you can fight off most
that comes at you. So the question is: which would you
rather have? Daily I see the effects of degenerative
conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc.
You don't have to accept them as inevitable. A strong
body will help overcome all kinds of diseases. Please
use this information for educational purposes only.
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Karin Henderson is a registered nurse and is thePEBBLE's
columnist for our MEDICAL COLUMN.
We appreciate her input very much. Thanks Karin.
You can send Karin questions at
mailto:kflh@prescotts-inc.com
Health Information Newsletter.
http://www.prescotts-inc.com
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THE NET'S BEST KEPT SECRET
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THE SAGA OF PINEHILL
by Ken Darby
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Eloise Henry, age 18 when the story began
and David Wylie, age 20, were selected by a
stranger in town to take a dangerous trip,
together. The idea was that each was to take
only the clothes on their back and go
anywhere in the world where the stranger
took them. They were to be left there to find
their own way home. They had no money,
no identification, and no idea where they
were. If they arrived back home, there
would be a million dollars waiting in each
of their bank accounts
The story deals with their adventures along
and leads to the only way they could survive.
The story leads to many friends, many
adventures and many places.
As you read enjoy. It continues . . . . . . .
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in this story, you might like to subscribe to
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(It is a simple donation of $4.94 per month and
helps us spread the word.)
Many, many thanks to those of you who support this
work. It allows others to learn. Thank you.
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"Well, nothing. They will have only been
things I have used and discard when I die."
"That's right. So why don't you discard them
now in the very same way. I am not saying go out
and sell the business, the home or other things.
What I am saying is adopt the attitude of
discarding them. Detach yourself from them. Get to
a point where you truly and sincerely do not care
if someone were to come along and take them from
you. The best you can hope for is not ownership,
Darryl, but usership. Think on that. When things
are no longer important to you then who and what
you are becomes important. That is when you can
make choices about higher law. Know this. No man
can worship God and Mammon. You cannot 'own'
material goods if you would live the life your
Maker wants for you."
"That sounds like a tall order, Sam. But you
still own your house, car, cabin and other
things?"
"I do by the laws of man, in man's world and
according to man's thinking. Yet any of those
things, all of those things can leave me, be taken
away, be destroyed or otherwise have moth and rust
corrupt, it would not matter to me. They do not
own me Darryl. If they were not there it would
make no material change in my life. I would do
just fine. In fact there are times when Alewka and
I have talked of selling everything and give the
money to charity. That would be fine with us."
"Sam, you can't be serious. Where would you
live, what would you do, where would you go?"
"My goodness Darryl, you have not really
thought this through have you? If I or you can
manifest all we need for our lives, food,
clothing, shelter, water, anything, what need do I
or you have for ownership of things? Think on that
Darryl. If you could manifest all you needed, what
are you doing with 'ownership' of your business or
your house. You Maker's world is all or nothing.
You will have to learn to think that way if you
would live by higher law. You cannot be a little
bit pregnant Darryl. You either are or you are
not. So, too, with higher law. You either live by
higher law, or you do not. It is just that
simple."
"What you are saying, Sam, is that I must make
the decision to live by higher law, or go back
doing what I am already, that there is no in
between."
"That is what I am saying."
"Man! That sounds hard. That is quite a
requirement Sam."
"Is it any more of a requirement than learning
how to swim?"
"What do you mean?"
"Darryl, if you want to learn how to swim you
must get in the water. You cannot learn how to
swim on dry land. You can learn the principles but
sooner or later you have to get in the water.
There is no alternative to that condition. Nothing
is different here. We can talk all you want on the
principles involved, and we will, but sooner or
later you are going to have to act. To that there
is no alternative. That is why it is important to
you to realize your fears now and deal with them."
"The stakes are much higher here Sam."
"Higher than your life? If you fail to learn
to swim can you not drown?"
"Yes, but I don't have to give everything up
to learn to swim."
"So that's it. You are afraid to give up all
that you have. Yet Jesus told you that you must
give up your life if you would find it. You are
going to have to make a decision on who he is.
Either you believe him or you don't. That decision
you must make."
"Sam, you're making this tough on me."
"Darryl, when you are a child you are expected
to do the things of a child. When you are a man
you are expected to do the things of a man. When
you live by higher law you are expected to do the
things of higher law. You are no different in your
newspaper business. When you hire a reporter you
expect him or her to do the things of a reporter.
When you hire a photographer you expect him or her
to do the things of a photographer. Why should you
or anyone be exempt from the requirements of
higher law? Are you saying you want the benefits
without the price? You want the rewards without
the effort? You want the gains without the pain?"
"No Sam, I am not saying that. It is just that
this is a big decision and it is weighing heavily
on my shoulders."
"Darryl, that much is evident. Further, I
cannot help you with that condition. I do not want
to 'sell' you on the idea. I do, however, want you
to be in full understanding of the price you will
have to pay should you make the decision to
proceed."
"I see that Sam. I appreciate your candour.
But that does not help me make a decision. It
makes it more difficult."
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TOMORROW - - - A change of scene
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OBSERVATIONS OF OUR BUSINESS
Many of you have become interested in following what
we are doing in our business.
It is a way of seeing some of the good things and not so good
things that happen to us along the way.
While it may not replicate your story, neither may it be replicated
by you, it does keep you updated on some of the trials and
tribulations of doing business on the internet.
We thought we would keep it up.
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TODAY'S REPORT:
Formatting is all done and today I am finally in a position
to do my friends CD cover for him. Additionally I have much
reading on my plate.
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THINK ABOUT THIS TODAY!
"You've got to get up every morning with determination
if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction."
---- George Lorimer
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HA! HA! HA!
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better.
I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and
never misses a season. One day when he was going out
in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella
instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a
rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella
and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do
you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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THE LAST LINE - - - - -
"Achievement requires more than a vision - it takes
courage, resolve and tenacity."
---- Neil Eskelin
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AN INTERNET BUSINESS MAY NOT BE FOR YOU!
OR, THEN AGAIN, IT MIGHT BE! Go have a look. We
have laid out the steps and methods in a clear and
to the point series of short letters. Send a blank email to:
mailto:professional@rr-email.com
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REMEMBER! - IF YOU SEE IT IN thePEBBLE - IT IS SO!
Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.
---- Ken Darby
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business growing. http://www.thenewsshop.com
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© 2004 thePEBBLE PUBLICATIONS
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Box 6, Site 270, R.R.2
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